Friday, August 22, 2014

dear salsa...

dear salsa,

it is the eve of your first birthday and i wanted to write you a love letter.  it was this time at night one year ago that i first felt a tiny contraction and i knew you were on your way.  we were so eager to meet you, especially since you were well past due. 

salsa, you are my miracle baby.  let me tell you a secret.  i never thought i would have a third baby, so when i found out i was pregnant i was so happy despite the morning sickness.  then we received the phone call that took my breath away.  the ultrasound revealed something funny and we needed to see a special doctor.  i was so scared that the baby i had always dreamed of was going to be taken away.  but the Lord made you special and protected your life.

salsa, you have made so many of my dreams come true.  i dreamed of having a baby outside of the hospital with a midwife and despite your health complications, that dream came true. 

i dreamed of successfully breastfeeding a baby since this did not go so well with your brothers.  i knew from experience that you would be great regardless of our success, but we did it!  you are turning one and you have been exclusively breastfeeding since you were 4 months old.  you were taking a bottle of formula at night for the extra calories but then one day you decided you would not take a bottle anymore.  snuggling with you while you nurse is one of my favorite things ever.  my breastfeeding dream came true. 

i dreamed of having a baby naturally without the use of drugs and while this was not easy, your dad was a great support and we did it.  your birth was the most amazing experience of our lives.  you were born into the water and you were so calm.  we couldn't believe how content and alert you were.

i've learned so much having you as my third baby and as an older and hopefully wiser mom.  i've learned that there is no such thing as spoiling a baby.  it's okay (and good!) to carry you around in my boba baby carrier.  it has not made you a baby that never wants to be put down.  i am not your pacifier...i am your comforter, your nurturer, your safe and secure place.  and i love that.  even if it's not convenient.  i know how fleeting each stage is so with the Lord's help, i've looked at each stage with different eyes this time around, especially the hard stuff because i know from experience that it is only a season and will be gone in a flash.  i've learned it's okay to nurse in public and we have nursed just about everywhere.  and it's not weird or inappropriate. 

salsa, you remind me of the simple joys in life as you discover and marvel at new things.  you challenge me to evaluate and reevaluate my parenting.  your health reminds me to be thankful to God for all things.  salsa, i am so glad you have launched me onto this road of parenting a little one yet again.  you have completed our family, grown our faith and keep us on our toes. 

i love you.

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